


This is not your Valentine

by EsculentEvil



Series: EsculentEvil's BatJokes Shots [12]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Budding Love, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: The BatFam crashes in on a Gotham's resident clowns to share chocolate in February.





	This is not your Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> This mess was going to be my Valentine’s Day post; however, not only did I not have the time to make it truly presentable, but I also didn’t feel confident it would be liked—mostly because, for some reason, I ended up throwing in NightQuinn. READ WITH CAUTION. And, yes: I’m literally only posting this because I like the ENDING, even if everything else is sod.

Harley and Joker are making a large chocolate heart in the Hideout’s kitchen.

When it comes time to put the “Batsy, Be Mine ~ ♦” icing on the Valentine, however, Joker  ~~chickens out~~  changes his mind and just makes a heart. He then gives the makeshift Valentine to Harley: ”Thank you for always being here for me and supporting me no matter what I do; I wouldn’t have survived this long without you, Har.” They hug and have a moment of madlove friendship.

It’s ruined by Batman, Robin, and Nightwing dropping in from an airduct/vent in the ceiling.

Of course, the villains think they’re being targeted unduly and complain. Joker is extra hurt because he had actually rounded up all the baddies under him and ordered them to stay with their loved ones (”As should be done on Valentine’s!”) instead of attacking Gotham. He knew better than to  **expect**  thanks for doing this (or even recognition), but... he’d  **hoped**. What for, he isn’t sure, but still. Harley, of course, is just furious and defensive and  **protective**  of her Puddin’.

To their surprise, however, the Bats and Birds aren’t there for arrests.

Nightwing embarrassed extends a medium sized bag of chocolates to Harley. They’re all milk chocolate, decidedly plain looking, and shaped like his symbol. Harley, of course, loves them. This is partly because of how well it reflects Nightwing’s personality (simple, sweet, sharp yet soft) but also because, well: “You’re givin’ me chocolates, to  **eat** , that’re shaped like  **you** , hon. 

“That has DICK jokes written all over it!”

After the initial panic of  _omg do they know_  wares off, Harley literally orders Nightwing to take her out on a date over the weekend (which means he can’t arrest her before then) while Joker watches in a somewhat protective silence. This is broken, of course, when he notices Robin eyeing his chocolate heart.

He snatches it up and holds it protectively “No! This is for Batsy!”

The moment he realizes, of course, what he just said  **in front of the Bat** , he turns beet red and tries to amend it (literally by saying “I-I meant Harley! See? Harley! It rhymes with Batsy! I-I was just confused!”). Obviously none of them buy it and, to his dismay, everyone’s attention turns to the Bat for his reaction.

Surprisingly, it’s not as violent as Joker’d feared it’d be.

It’s still... mean, though. At least, technically. Batman, after silently studying the Joker, takes the chocolate valentine and breaks it in half. He gives one half to Robin, whom takes it eagerly, and then looks his clown in the eyes. And, at first, the villain looks about as heartbroken as the sweet he made (if not more so).

But then Batman  **eats**  the other half.

And when he orders, “We’ll have a double date,” Joker (happily) faints.


End file.
